How Many Elvis Impersonators Can You Fit in One Music Shop?

A Scientific Investigation at Music Bits

BREAKING NEWS FROM MUSIC BITS: Local music shop becomes ground zero for the most important scientific question of our generation: exactly how many Elvis impersonators can you physically fit between the Stratocasters and the ukuleles?

The answer, as it turns out, is "more than you'd think, but fewer than they'd like."

The Experiment Begins

It started innocently enough. One Elvis walked in looking for guitar strings. Then another arrived for a capo. By the third King of Rock and Roll, we realized we had a situation. By the seventh, we had a phenomenon. By the twelfth, we had a fire hazard.

"I just wanted to try out that Les Paul," said Elvis #4 (the one in the powder blue jumpsuit with the eagle motif). "But there's an Elvis in front of me, an Elvis behind me, and I'm pretty sure there's an Elvis inside the drum kit."

The Challenges

The main issue, researchers discovered, is the jumpsuits. Those rhinestone-encrusted, bell-bottomed marvels of 1970s fashion weren't designed for navigating narrow aisles between hanging guitars. The shoulder pads alone require a turning radius comparable to a small lorry.

"We lost Elvis #9 somewhere near the acoustic section," reported our staff. "We can hear him humming 'Suspicious Minds,' but we can't actually see him behind all the ukuleles."

The Official Count

After careful measurement, consultation with structural engineers, and one very confused health and safety inspector, we've determined that Music Bits can comfortably accommodate:

• 3 Elvises if they're browsing normally
• 7 Elvises if they stand very still
• 12 Elvises if nobody needs to actually leave
• 1 Elvis if he's doing the hip swivel thing

Unexpected Benefits

The impromptu gathering did have its advantages. We sold out of guitar picks (apparently essential Elvis accessories), three customers received unsolicited but surprisingly good vocal coaching, and the spontaneous rendition of "Jailhouse Rock" near the keyboard section was genuinely spectacular.

Conclusion

While we appreciate the King's enduring legacy and his impersonators' dedication to the craft, Music Bits respectfully requests that future Elvis conventions consider booking a larger venue. Might we suggest Wembley Stadium?

That said, if you're an Elvis impersonator in need of quality instruments, accessories, or just a place to practice your lip curl, we're at your service. Just maybe call ahead if you're bringing friends.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Music Bits: Where the music lives, and apparently, where Elvis never left.

Visit us instore at 17 High Street, Alford, Lincolnshire or online at www.musicbits.co.uk